Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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