Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
