Your dad touched me again.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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