I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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