i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
