I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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