is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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