Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
