Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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