I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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