Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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