WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
