I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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