we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
