Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
