i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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