I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
