she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Randomize
