Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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