What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
