I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
