At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
