so that wasnt chicken after all
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
