Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
