I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
