If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I only lived at night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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