now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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