I wish my penis had an off switch
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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