Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
