You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need water and some morals
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
