Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
