dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
