So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
