What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
