so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
either way he was missing a nipple.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
