I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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