I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
