ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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