I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
