if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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