It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
