Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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