Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You took a bar mat shot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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