I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
