how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry about my life...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
