It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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