the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
