just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
