you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's never too late to be topless.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
