I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He did a backflip because drugs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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